Yesterday, I was angry with myself for about 45 minutes. I start out the day with these green smoothies. I love them. I drink them even when they don't taste good. Yesterday, I didn't see a little piece of plastic and it made its way into my smoothie in little bits and pieces. My husband gagged on it. I felt like I had been torn in half for some reason and started crying. It shouldn't have been a big deal, but it was.
I felt awful. I went into the bedroom and ignored everyone to process my emotions. Why was I such a wreck? Why couldn't I process this quickly and get on with the day? My husband did come in and hold me hand and tell me to get up and get over it. I did.
The blues, anger, depression. What are you supposed to do with these emotions? I really didn't have a clue yesterday. I needed a reminder (godly advice disguised in husband form) that it was just a mistake.
You see, I have ridiculously high expectations of myself. I am supposed to be able to exercise every morning, prepare healthy food for everyone in the family to eat, get eight hours of paperwork done in half the time, read a dozen books before this vacation is over, and relax in the process. Who am I kidding? Even as I read this, it sounds ridiculous.
I must remind myself daily that I am one woman who is taking care of a large family and the only really big thing I need to do is be in tune with God. Listening the Holy Spirit will fill my time more than adequately and it is most certainly better than my own decisions on how to fill my time.
This is my prayer for this month.
Dear Lord, work through me. Reach other people through me and through the things that I do. Help me to be loving, thoughtful, and willing to let go of all of my perfectionist tendencies.
P.S. Yes, readers. This is one of those posts where I am preaching to myself.